Forwards - New Definitions

This is one of the forwards I found interesting to share with u all...

CIGARETTE: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE: It's an agreement wherein a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master

LECTURE: An art of transmitting Information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through the minds of either

CONFERENCE: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present

COMPROMISE: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

TEARS: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine water-power!

CONFERENCE ROOM: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

ECSTASY: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

CLASSIC: A book which people praise, but never read SMILE: A curve that can set a lot of things straight!

OFFICE: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

YAWN: The only time when some married men ever get to open their mouth.

ETC: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

COMMITTEE: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

PHILOSOPHER: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

DIPLOMAT: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

OPPORTUNIST: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

OPTIMIST: A person who while falling from EIFFEL TOWER says in midway "SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

PESSIMIST: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in OPPORTUNITY.

MISER: A person who lives poor so that he can die RICH!

CRIMINAL: A guy no different from the other, unless he gets caught

ATOM BOMB: An invention to bring an end to all inventions.

BOSS: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

POLITICIAN: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence Later.

DOCTOR: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you

Good old ones - Mechanic vs Doctor

A mechanic challenged a Doctor, saying "its the same kind of job both of us do. A car is similar to a human body. It has Engine similar to heart, spare parts like different body parts. You take care of the heart, work on the different body parts if they r injured. I also do the same in a car. Why is it that you have good recognition in the society which I dont... "

The Doctor replied "You are right. But, try working on ur car, when the engine is On"

Mechanic : !!$#@Q!!